TeaL

Somebody woke me up 3 times last night, but the more annoying thing was, they always hung up before I picked up, no matter how fast I jumped off my bed to reach the phone. So I ended up unplugging it, and this morning I got a voice message in which I couldn't distinguish a single word. Weird...

 

I wonder what I'm gonna do these days. Though I have lots of plans in my mind, getting myself to put those plans into actions is another matter. And it's damn cold in here, which somehow drains pretty much of my energy. I'm afraid when this break is over, I'll still find myself back at the point before the break started, facing piles of homework that have been added up from previous weeks, because I doubt if I'll be able to get anything done....at my usual rate of laziness...

 

I kind of envy those people back home, who are fortunate enough to see how exciting Hanoi is in this season. Winter is coming late this year, but autumn is truly amazing to behold too. I know they also planted some new trees and flowers along some main streets to welcome APEC. Hanoi must be having a very lively and refreshing look then. It must be extremely cool to ride around the streets, feeling the unique drizzles and chilly breezes surrounding....Oh I miss the good old days hanging out with my friends so much. How come all of us are separated now and all we can do is reminiscing the past and longing for a reunion day in a distant future? I think people really lose a lof of things over the passage of time. Sighs...

 

Mom, why are you going out for lunch at this time? Why are you leaving me here dealing with this devil depression on my own? Why dont you stay with me longer to hear me complain?

Sis, how come you're going through even a harder time than me? I called you with the hope that you could cheer me up, but instead I was the one who had to comfort you. Poor you, sis. Poor me too. Are both of us doomed?

And so I'm feeling extremely miserable, for thoughts I can not put into words, for things I can't understand why I did, for problems I have no clue how to solve.

Damn this gloomy rainy day.

I tried to call some people and none of them picked up

I tried to talk to some people online and none of the conversations was good. In fact I was in no mood for talking properly.

Mom, why did you say eating chocolates is good? You just said that because you were afraid I am not having enough sugar intake right? Yes I ate a whole lot of chocolates today. But I hate them so much. For today I think chocolate is one of the two things that I hate most in the world

My brain is cracking into pieces...Arg, how come those things have been messed up lately? When will this nagging feeling of guilt go away. Damn it. Stop bothering me, can you do that?

When can I put an end to all of these? When can I switch my brain back to the normal state?

When can I fully realize if what I did was right or wrong?

Until we have a good talk, I can't take care of my own problems.

Ha ha, I'm rambling these silly words because my mind is in such a turbulance. Pathetic, but I dont care. Say this is not English. I'm bad.

I dont want to know anything. Oh I wish I could be ignorant of everything.

A friend told me just be myself. Just let sadness come visit you, because life is fair, it never takes anything from you forever. That is to say, no matter what, there's no need to feel guilty or worried about this dilemma/confusion that is forming in my mind. Things change and people change, don't they?